I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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