I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
