I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
