so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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