At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
