If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
