oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
