He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
