I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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