addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize