Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
