And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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