i think my tv is drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
