Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
