I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
