ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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