My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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