Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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