do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why do cheetos always look like penises
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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