You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
