Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
