Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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