we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
