so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Rumble strips road head = magical
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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