so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ok first of all what the fuck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
