Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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