hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize