i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize