If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
