i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
