Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize