It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
