booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
