why didn't you poke me back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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