I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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