Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
