i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
