Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
