My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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