im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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