You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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