Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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