I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do vagina's smell?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
