Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
