Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
