I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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