I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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