Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were trust falling into bushes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
