I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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