the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
