I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
