He had one of those small greek statue penises
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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