According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
