I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
