can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
