Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
