dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
