Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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