He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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