I think I died a long time ago.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
