the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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