I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
