I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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