I want to have your abortion
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize